October 2018 I typed yoga teacher training Peru into the search engine on my phone. I had been diving into all kinds of self help and spirituality books in the months leading up to this moment, and I had this strong urge to learn even more. Eager to understand myself better and meet other people that were on a similar search. So by the magic of the internet School Yoga Institute popped up on my screen, talking about transformation and spirituality. Later when I told people I was going to a yoga training, and some of them asked which type of yoga i would be learning, I could not even answer them. My main desire was to grow and be free, the rest was just a bonus.
Yoga and I came of to a rather rough start a couple of years back. My dance teacher was sick with the flu, and the substitute teacher thought it was a good idea to do yoga. Short story shorter; I did not agree and could not for the life of me comprehend why you were supposed to try to breath and relax while you were holding uncomfortable positions. It took some time but I eventually eased into it, though most classes I took would have a very physical focus, which i did not really feel. It was the autumn of 2017, when I started reading about yoga with this internal and connected focus, that I really started to get intrigued. This was the curiosity that got me to sign up for a training. Though it was not until the spring of 2019 I took my first yoga class where I truly felt yoga, and understood its potential.
Arriving at the location in Sacred Valley with my small backpack, I was carrying a lot of expectations. I had my own ideas about how the training would come along and how my transformation would look like. My expectations were not met, and believe it or not that was exactly what I needed. I was at a point in life were I could see that my disappointment had everything to do with me, and little to do with the training. As I dared to open up about these feelings that I felt rather shameful about, I understood that I was in a place where my humanness was welcome. I felt so relieved that I did not need to pretend or be perfect. Relieved that I wa not expected to be the most spiritual human on earth, and enjoy everything
With this realisation I got more courage to look at the parts about me that I was ashamed of. I realized that these sides of myself was showing me which parts of me feel insecure and needed to be held. That it was not my job to try to fix myself, but to understand myself. This does not mean that everything is suddenly flowing and easy. Being back in Norway I still have to work hard to not getting sucked into “doing”. To remind myself that I do not need to accomplish things or be perfect to be worthy. I am enough the way I am. Even though I realized a lot during my training I still need to work on letting my old patterns go. It is hard, but I am finally learning to accept that you can not run away from discomfort, you can only work through it. Healing take time and I guess the only thing we can do is trust that it is going to be worth it.
My main goal for the future is to continue to grow and live from the heart. To keep creating and to enjoy life, and not take it to seriously. I do not want fear to run my life or control my decisions. I want to live a passionate life and dare to follow my dreams, even when it is scary. I dream about creating a safe space where people can come to connect with themselves and others. A place where everyone is welcome and encouraged to be themselves, where it is safe to share. I want for people to know that they are not alone. That it is okay to not feel okay all the time.
Lots of love,