Costa Rica Student Yoga Testimonial - Hadez Featured Image

Hadez – Costa Rica 200hr YTT

HADEZ ~ 200-HOUR COSTA RICA YTT STUDENT

My journey to finding SYI was a part of my life’s path that I could never forget. Throughout the past 9 months, I have journeyed through the darkest parts of my soul. Sharing as much guidance to each part of me that experienced one of the many, significantly traumatic events of my life: watching my dog get hit by a bus as a child, religious trauma – being raised Mormon, being molested by my father, having a miscarriage, my home burning down and losing our family dog inside of it, etc. It has been a journey within itself to realize that my life has been what some might see as dark – an abnormal amount of life-changing events for one person to go through.

I have always known I deserve to feel good about my life and myself. There was nothing that could get in my way as I started giving myself the love I so very much desired and needed. Becoming a yoga instructor was one of the most powerful additions I could have added to my ammunition and use against the demons I was preparing to fight inside my head. 

A path of healing has always been something I leaned towards, but upon taking my first trip out of the country to Vietnam and the Philippines, it seemed to flip this darkness completely inside out. I saw and experienced so much raw presence, creativity, and love. My external reality being so fresh and new, it was like my soul finally had the space and freedom to show me my life’s possibilities. It gave me hope and courage to look back upon my life. To step back from the real world and finally sit with everything that I had been running from.

It was hard to begin as most of it is stuff that I would rather pretend did not happen, rather than sit down to deal with it. I don’t think my nervous system has ever truly known what it feels like to be at rest. At such a young age I could feel the gloom of what my future held. A gloom of many different forms of darkness. Something no one could ever truly prepare me for. 

As I began to travel back into these moments, to guide myself, it was hard to not get stuck overanalyzing. Questioning everything, wanting to ensure that when I made it back to my body I would feel nothing but reassurance of the trust and honor I feel to hold my life in my hands. I needed to recreate the basic foundation of a relationship with myself. Being raised Mormon I always felt a level of acceptance for the religion but never a full resonation or agreement with its teachings. Despite my trials in life, I have always been very free-spirited. This religion confused those parts of me and made me feel ashamed to express that freedom in the ways that I desired to, even at a young age.

I didn’t agree with or understand why it wasn’t okay for me to go and play outside with my friends across the street because it was Sunday and it was rare that I listened to the ridicule of my parents. I could be gone for hours without them noticing, eventually, they would send one of my five siblings to come and get me. Feeling so forced into something that made me feel so restricted I eventually conformed to my parents’ wishes. Tucking away the realest parts of me, until I knew that I was with people and in places that I felt safe to bring the real me to the surface. Enjoying the freedom I felt I was constantly longing for.

However, parting ways with such a big piece of my life seemed to leave behind this hole. A feeling of needing something bigger to connect to, to help me restring my thoughts and emotions in a way that was naturally open enough for me to not feel confined by it. I was looking for a foundation. Something to build with and from – a connection. I found this connection at SYI.

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In Costa Rica, at the Indigo Resort, I found so much: the purest teachings, in the most magical place, delivered in such a respectable manner, and the connection my soul yearned for. I never could have prepared myself for this 200-hour yoga teacher training. I had been feeling so lost, sensitive, and at a loss for direction in my life. Immediately upon arrival at the destination, all worries left. It felt kismet and divinely guided that my friend had recommended this training retreat to me. I knew little of what to expect from this trip but immediately knew that I was supposed to be there. I genuinely feel that those who come across this training, are meant to. Whether it be by the universe or whomever is that person’s “God”, or their version of divine. I feel that it finds us.

I had grown so timid to interact with others as my ever-growing anxiety had me convinced I couldn’t interact without sharing the darkness I was feeling. This trip proved those thoughts wrong. It not only taught me to instruct yoga, but it gave me a safe space. A space to sit in my solitude, but not alone. I found quiet company and respect for where I was in my journey. Sharing our stories and experiences in our circle of bodies in the shala I was able to talk about the things I had been through and be genuinely heard and seen. A space I finally felt safe enough to let all of these beautiful souls share their love with me. In many moments of sharing, I found my body (somewhat) violently shaking, releasing trauma I didn’t even know that it stored. My soul and my body finally felt the same level of sincere safety and light, to let that love in.

The teachings provided by this schooling are delivered in such a free-flowing essence – always giving space for personalized integration, by vocalizing intentions. They consistently remind and present the information to be taken in as it feels correct to you. Just as one would, when practicing yoga! Leaving guided space for the student to realize that their body and life are their own. There are things within each of us that only we can really feel or see, and I feel that this truth is something I have searched for my whole life.

This truth is the foundation I had been looking for, and continue to grow a relationship with. I feel that this information being presented as so, allowed for my ego to step aside so that I could find resilience inside myself. Resilience and light that I feared so deeply was long lost. This yoga course was the sutra thread I needed to follow, and it led me straight to my heart. The thread that showed me the way to end the fake reality I had created inside my head to get me through my life’s events. It opened me up to the world of opportunity that I had in front of me.

I will forever hold multitudes of gratitude for what this course did for my mind, body, and soul. I broke down years worth of brick walls around my heart and mind, caused by my trauma and what I felt I needed to do to survive. It showed me and brought me to the light at the end of the tunnel – something I thought I could only hope would eventually happen.

That being said, I feel honored to write this review. I now wish for nothing more than to be able to continue to heal and grow with my knowledge of yoga so that I may share this love and light. I could think of no better way to show my gratitude for its teachings, than doing so. The light in me honors the light in all who have taken the time to put the school, this foundation, together. From the bottom of my heart, I say thank you to all who have participated in creating SYI. Blessings to all who find these teachings.