Marjorie | Online 200hr YTT Testimonial
I have so much gratitude to express to SYI and the instructors that were a guiding light into this new chapter for me. I’m not sure 1000 words is enough to fit my huge and wonderful experience but I will try. I would like to start by shedding some light onto why I sought my YTT certificate in the first place.
At the very end of 2023 I was in a terrible spot in my life, more than a decade of using alcohol to medicate and soothe my PTSD that I acquired when I was 19 left me chemically dependent on it and living a life in a body and mind that I did not recognize. I was merely an avatar of what had manifested over years of making decisions under the influence. In the beginning, it helped me feel normal in a world of shock from the incident that left me with PTSD. Again, I was only 19 and I’m not sure my brain was even developed enough to process what had happened to me so it just didn’t. I was in shock for years and when I finally came out of that shock I did not know how to handle my emotions but alcohol seemed to help.
I ended up making a career, a successful one, based around my crutch of alcohol. I bartended and eventually came to manage several restaurants with a healthy salary and benefits. The problem was I was not able to let go of my medicine. Long story short, I went to therapy and started working on the root of the problem but I couldn’t undo the chemical dependency. I found myself leading a life that was not true to my soul and it came screaming to me that this was not the path I was supposed to be on. After 4 terrifying seizures, a couple of near death experiences, and a liver fully in hepatitis. I finally stopped. I was 35, homeless, experiencing hair loss, acne and weighed 126 pounds (severely underweight for my height and build).
That brings me to my new chapter in life. Coming out of withdrawal also shocked me, similar to PTSD, and it took a few months of reacclimating in a sober mind but I fell in love with rock climbing. It was everything I thought I needed to reclaim my life, however, yoga was also a missing piece. I joined a climbing gym and started doing yoga once a week and realized that it was something that I needed in addition to climbing. The relationships I cultivated based around climbing and yoga were saving my life and rapidly rebuilding the shell of a human that I very recently was.
This brings me to the actual point of the essay and that is to describe my life over the last 6 months or so as I embarked on my YTT journey with SYI. At a glance, I was excited at the thought of possibly making money or making a living from teaching something that has personally benefited me so much. As I participated in more and more yoga classes I was also intrigued and excited about learning the poses, the names and the specific muscle group that corresponds with each one. Little did I know that was the very basic part of learning to become a yoga teacher. I laugh as I type this because I have learned so much more.
Yoga is very much a lifestyle not just a practice. To quote Deeprak Chopra “The true purpose of yoga is to discover that aspect of your being that can never be lost.” In other words, what is seen can not be unseen. Starting with the Kleshas and moving through the Bhandas and learning about ayurveda. It became clear before the end of the first cycle, the serpent cycle, that this course was much more than yoga poses and anatomy. It was teaching me how to LIVE. How to BREATHE. Most importantly it was teaching me how to be a good human. To participate in humanity without ego. The very first piece of homework that Jennifer gave me was to breathe or speak something that wasn’t serving me into a leaf or a rock and then throw it away or burn it. I have been able to let go of things that were out of my control to begin with but that I held onto trying to change the past because they are not serving me. I have done this technique almost weekly. Yoga has healed parts of my PTSD that I had given up on fixing. I was just keeping score on life and how unfair things had been for me. It made me rigid and spiteful. Yoga teaches you how to undo that and move forward with light and love. I wish I had known this so long ago.
As I moved through the cycles and learned more about the sutras and the chakras I began spreading my knowledge to my partner and close friends. Instead of meeting negativity with negativity, I was able to cultivate a positive suggestion or remedy. Consciously wanting to uplift not just myself but others. I prioritized forgiveness and self love. I have practiced the Law of Attraction for quite some time but learning how to not only practice yoga but to teach it as well gave new meaning to a lot of the practices I had put into place previously.
I am ready to teach but I am not done learning. I have realized through YTT we are always students. We have only been out of online weekly classes for a month or so and I miss my instructors and fellow classmates so much. I am eager to start my 300 hour YTT but I will put some time into actually teaching before I sign up for that class. I am so grateful for the lessons that I have learned and will take with me to each class that I teach. Each cycle; the serpent, jaguar, hummingbird, and eagle live within me now. I reference them daily when I am faced with different emotions. Not only are they lessons but they are tools. I find myself at peace and much healthier both body and mind after taking this course. I am so very grateful for the opportunity for this scholarship that allowed me to take the course when I did. Your generosity will be paid forward 10 fold.
I will end with a quote by Evita Ochel “Yoga does not start or end on your mat, but is present in every breath you take.”
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